Replace The Chaos . . .

First of all, I want to preface this with the fact that I am in NO way on any kind of a 'high horse' here, that I'm not being judgemental - to any degree, and that I'm only just typing this up because I woke up with these thoughts weighing heavily on me.  So, I suppose I'm really writing/journaling this for me . . . Putting my thoughts on 'paper' sometimes helps when I need reminding of certain things, a kick in the behind, or a refresher course of what was once on my mind, for a brief time, that I've since forgotten.


So, I woke up this morning with an earworm making its way through my brain over and over, round and round - a somewhat gross analogy, I know, but it happens ~ especially to those of us with a delightful touch of OCD.  Often and usually pretty annoying.  Just can't seem either 'switch' to another tune or drop it all together.  This one, however, isn't bothering me today, rather 'reminding' me.  Even as I type, the words are playing thorough my mind . . .  "Create in me a clean heart . . . "

Keith Green, a Zach Galifianakis look-alike, was a fairly well know Christian singer during the 70's and early 80's.  He was of Jewish heritage and raised in Christian Science.  Later in life, he stated that "God has broken through my calloused heart" and then began his journey with Christ - A Jewish believer in Jesus the Messiah.  He was a humble man.  He wrote and sang songs about love, grace and beauty - Including 'Create In Me', which comes from Psalm 51:10 ~ "Create in me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a right spirit within me."  The Message translates it like this, "God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life."  Shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.  What a cord this strikes in me.  

A friend of mine had to study, dissect, and handle the heart of a sheep earlier this week.  Gross.  Though, I can't help to wonder what my heart would look like if the same were done to mine on a spiritual level.  I'm guessing pretty UN-clean.  Greedy, maybe.  Impatient, some.  Judgemental.  Not content with what I have (how MUCH I already have).  Unthankful and selfish.  What a shame.  Really.  Shameful.  


So, I'm in need of a heart-cleanser.  And, like my car, it's not going to clean itself - I have to be the one to do it.  And I can do it.  But, it's going to take patience - with others.  Giving of myself.  Selflessness.  Discipline.  Contentment.  Thankfulness.  


Before Keith Green, and two of his children, were tragically killed in a plane crash on July 28, 1982, there was a song he sang that contained the lyrics, "How can I see, if my eyes are on me?" The answer, I think, is that one can't.  I can't see others in need.  I can't see others hurting.  I can't see how truly fortunate and how blessed I am if I have 'me blinders' on.  I've gotta get rid of these 'me blinders' - They're blocking my view of so much that I am, I have, I can be, I can do, I need to do . . . .


Mother Theresa said, "At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, what riches we have, how many great things we have done.  We will be judged by "I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat, I was naked and you clothed me. I was homeless, and you took me in."  (Eyes off me, here!)


I think it's time I work on cleaning this heart of mine.  It's going to take a lot of scrubbing, but I want my spirit made right and renewed . . . And no pain, no gain, right? I've got to give up some of the things and ideas that I think will bring me happiness and joy, but are actually only band-aids that temporarily soothe me before I want for more again. I want the chaos of my life replaced with peace, contentment, thankfulness, and a caring, giving self.

"Happiness isn't something that depends on our surroundings...It's something we make inside ourselves." 
— Corrie ten Boom,  Messianic Jew Holocaust survivor