Super!

I just realized I'm following my own blog.  Awesome.  How did that happen.  And why.  That's just real special, if you ask me . . .

Really? Really.

I don't get it.  Things are weird.  Life is odd.  People are strange.  Where's my 'Life Manual'?  Can't find it. Must've misplaced it, along with my mind, dignity, and favorite pair of black heels that I've been on the quest to find for quite some time now.

At least I have these three to keep me grounded.  Although, I'm not sure, but they MAY have contributed to a few of those lost brain cells I don't think I'll ever recover.  Just a hunch.  However, they do keep my heart happy!  And I'll gladly exchange a bit of a smaller brain for a much larger heart.

Still . . . Why?  Why hurt? Why Alzheimer's?  Why confusion?  Why tears?  Why misunderstandings?  Why negativity?  Why death?  Why grace . . . Ah, grace.  Even in the midst of floundering, confusion and pain -- We're granted and given mercy and grace.  Sweet and undeserving, precious mercy and grace.  

Thank you, Father.  Thank you, friends.  Thank you, family.

Sounds all cliche' and stuff, but it's true ~ Without the grace, forgiveness, patience and mercy of these folks, I'd be a goner . . .

Hmm ... What if I stomped on these a bunch and then let them rot in a barrel?

Well, well . . . Apparently, sandy clay loam and black volcanic obsidian soils, combined with a unique diurnal temperature pattern, and extremely hot days, tempered by very cool nights, slows the ripening process and enhances the flavor and complexity of the grapes that go into making my vino of choice tonight ~ Francis Coppola Diamond Cabernet Sauvignon 2006.  Who knew?!  So, it's just a $20 bottle of wine.  It's good.  Enough.  And apparently goes well with beef (steak, but not filet mignon - don't ask, because I have no idea.  However,  let's not get that mixed up, though - things could get dicey) . . . Also, lamb and goose.  None of the above, I eat. 


As a side note, though, I'd like to add that my beverage this evening 'starts with a very berry flavor and melts into a smooth, velvety finish'.  Impressive!  Whatever that seriously means. I enjoy it and all, but let's be honest - I don't really experience a lot of the 'smooth melting and velvety finish' it promises as I sip.  Either way, seems to be the perfect accompaniment to the Special K Meal Replacement Bar I'm enjoying (er, really just shoving down while I simultaneously do two thousand other things.  Hey - It's healthier than Mickey D's drive-thru, right?!).  Point being, the two REALLY do complement each other . . . Pretty sure it's the berries.  Berry flavors in the wine.  'Strawberries' in my protein bar.  It's just a great big fruit party in my mouth.

Who says you have to follow all the rules, all the time?!  Seems like the perfect combo for moi tonight.

Cheers!

Re-Cap

So, yesterday I returned from a long weekend (Thursday through Monday) from Savannah, spending time with my ailing grandfather and my sweet aunt.  Alzheimer's is a mean disease.  I don't like it.  One bit.  However, as he's regressing, my granddad is happy for the most part.  He sings, he still has a bit of his quirky wit about him and he's sweet to me.  I've never had a 'real' relationship with him until these last few months.  And, although I'm 32 now, in the end, I'll be happy to say I did indeed have a relationship with him ~ a sweet one, at that.  He gets confused.  Doesn't know who I am, or who most other people are, a lot of the time.  He isn't sure where he is or where he's going.  Waves of paranoia come and go with him.  But, for the most part, he's trusting.  Of me, and the others looking after him.  He doesn't put up a fight and is quite compliant and mostly pleasant.

The days I spent there were bitter-sweet.  Sweet to be with him and watch him sing along with his Il Divo CD, clap his hands, fade off to a sleepy afternoon nap, talk about long gone relatives he thinks are still around, sit outside with him after dinner in the breezy evening air.  Bitter, because he's fading.  And with this disease, obviously, there's no going back.  So, it's time to enjoy what we do have with Mr. Jack Logan, my granddad.  The only one I've ever had, the only one I ever will.

Aunt Mae and Granddad 

I flew home in time Monday morning to meet my sister at the Atlanta airport atrium.  I got to spend about half an hour with her before she walked through security and off to Phoenix she went.  Man, that was tough.  Is tough.  I'm still not accepting that she's gone yet.  It hits me now and again that I won't have anymore weekend nights out with her.  No more weekday morning talks over coffee this fall.  No more late night 'slumber parties' at my mom and dad's house.  I don't want to go to the places we went to together anymore.  And I really liked those places.  But, for now, at least, it's too sad.  My best friend has gone away and I'm lonely without her.

I woke up this morning to find Nicholas' hermit crab dead.  Fantastic.  Being amazingly under-dramatic and calm, like he is, it was no big deal.  And by 'no big deal', I mean he cried all morning and we had a funeral this afternoon for the crab before we buried him.  Hearts were heavy . . . (Well, the kids' were, at least - must admit, it's one LESS thing for me to keep up with around here!)

Happier times ~ Obviously, before his passing . . . .

Took the kids to school this morning, went and picked up the two bags of groceries and my change I'd left at the grocery store last night (with all three kids in tow - shocking how one could be so distracted to leave bags *plural* bags of groceries) and decided to go wash my car.  Where I promptly dropped three out of four quarters needed to vacuum.  So, I'm on my stomach reaching (and I have a fairly long reach) for these quarters.  Awesome.  They're directly under the center of my Expedition.  So, I hop in and move the thing to rescue the stupid quarters.  Afterwards, it needs a wash.  Water/money runs out half way through rinsing tons of foamy soap.  Perfect.  Go change a $5 into 20 MORE quarters and finish rinsing the car.  Still have time left, so I decide to 'Protect My Vehicle With A Tri-Color Protectant Foam'.  It's not coming out.  So, I do the brilliant thing and look directly into the nozzle, when the 'protectant foam' kicks in and blows a cuss-ton of tri-color foam all over my face.  Pretty sure my left contact is permanently seared to my eyeball.  Haven't really been able to see very well since that killer experience.

Finish up.  Drive home.  (Oh, spilled my Starbucks on the way, as well.  Par for the course . . . ) Trying not to burst into tears - just because, at this point.  Walk in the door and discover a dead mouse we've been trying to capture for a month or two in the handy-dandy mouse trap that's supposed to contain ALL of the trapped vermin.  Not so much.  Call me crazy, but at this point, I really didn't feel like disposing of a plastic container with two little mouse feet poking out.  It was just sad.

So, now, I'm gathering my three kiddos inside from playing in the sprinkler.  Yup.  September 7th, 7:20 and they're all in their swimsuits, running through the water - That's GA weather for ya!  And Stella has a pair of panties on her head.  Not sure why, but, that's Stella!  And they're happy.  Happy!  Oh, wonderful 'happy'.  And they're laughing.  And I hear them running carefree and acting silly.  So, I think I'll go join them.

I could use a little carefree and silly tonight . . . 

A picture's worth a trillion-bazillion words

'Cause this is how I feel right about now.  

So, there's your happy for the day.  I'm just a REAL Barrel Of Monkeys, I tell ya.  A complete privilege and a treat to be around, really.  I've got motion sickness like no other from this emotional roller coaster I'm ridin'.  And, PS -- I'm ready to get off . . . Thanks.

Next. Blog. Must. Be. Lighter.

(I get this . . . Really, I do.)

Amo Mia Sorella

So, it's here.  The day I dreaded, but knew would eventually come.  My sister, my best friend, my soul mate, my go-to, my rock -- is moving away.  Fah, fah away.  Phoenix, to be exact.  And that's not within driving distance from me when I'm having a nervy-break-d, when she is, when we both just need a day/night out to laugh, cry or just blow off steam.  It's, in fact, a whole airplane ride and four hours away.  And this makes me sad.  For me.  For her, I'm so happy . . . She's starting fresh, new, whole again!  She's a little nomad and needs/deserves this exciting next chapter of life.

As I write, my mind is bouncing with memories of the past five years I've had her here with me.  Trips to Rosemary, Savannah, the mountains.  Tattoos together and how she so well survived the experience it was for her!  Me, curled up on her couch crying, while she made me dinner and tucked me in.  So many nights out with fabulously silly good memories and then some we've just erased from our memory and pretend never happened.  Fellini's, Raging Burrito, Pastries A Go Go, Zesto's, Pizole, Tin Lizzy's.  Locked keys in cars, lost shoe (yes, shoe - singular), trips down icy stairs (in my case - shocker, I know), the delicious encounter with Lenny's bathroom floor, boy troubles.  Boiled 'P-Nuts' (that's what the sign said!), To Kill A Mocking Bird with Tom Key, Halloween parties - Jessica as Jem and I as Amy Winehouse - Yup, we rocked it, late night sleep-over at Mom and Dad's house - just like the old days, The Varsity and Step Up 3 (a fantastic combo!),  park play dates with my kiddos and Aunt Jess, summer afternoons swimming, Fab Fridays @ Heliotrope, Stars and Strikes (HARPO, Jessica!).  I could honestly go on and on.  And on.  The good times really never stop when we're together -- for the most part . . . The keys in the locked car, pouring rain and a SUPER helpful security guard wasn't the BEST time we've ever had together, but once in the car again, we laughed and laughed and laughed.  And laughed some more.  As per usual . . .

She begins her new journey on Monday when she'll fly out to Arizona.  My heart will hurt, it already does.  I'll cry.  She will.  Goodbyes are never fun when you're saying it to someone you love so dearly.  But, I take heart in the fact that she has a wonderful boy there waiting to take care of her.  And she'll be in a place where the sun always shines - a major plus!  And, although she won't be here with me physically, she'll be right here in my heart where she always is and always will be.  I'm so lucky to have her there.

Katherine Mansfield says it best ~ 

Bless you, my darling, and remember you are always in the heart - oh tucked so close there is no chance of escape - of your sister. 

I love you, sweet Jessica.  You're my favorite and the best there will ever be.

Amo Mia Sorrella . . . For always.