Deja Blue

So, fall is here.  Kind of.  I mean, technically we're in the 'fall season', but it's still 85 degrees in the afternoon here.  I'm wearing sweaters, leggings, and boots because that's what you wear in the fall.  But about 2:30ish every day, I nearly die of a heat stroke, usually give in and change to shorts and a tank top.  It smells like fall.  But, that could just be all the pumpkin, cinnamon, and 'harvest' candles I've lit around my house in efforts to trick my mind into believing the cozy, Autumn season has arrived.  The AC is also on.  Sort of puts a damper on my tactics . . .


October is a weird month.  My grandmother died at such a young age on October 30th a lot of years ago.  Trick-or-treating wasn't fun that year.  I didn't really get what was going on.  I knew my sweet Grandmama was dying.  Cancer is mean.  Her last words were to her grandchildren.  I'm the oldest, so I suppose I remember it more than the others. She woke up a bit from her in-and-out coma and our parents gathered us around her bed.  She smiled and mustered up the strength to utter a few kind words to us before fading off again.  It wasn't much longer before her soul left her body and moved from this earth to Heaven.  The adults were sad and us kids didn't quite understand it all.  We were shuffled out and a neighbor took us, dressed up, door to door asking for candy from strangers - which I still think is a bit of an odd idea.  Shortly thereafter, her body was taken to Bonaventure cemetery in Savannah where she was laid to rest.

I just got back from Savannah a few days ago.  I've been making that four hour drive since I was a tiny little girl. So many, many times.  It's a favorite of mine.  All of it.  The beach, the Marsh House, the squares, the shops, the memories . . . This past trip, though, was different.  It was the last time I would be in that city with any relatives there.  My grandfather's alzheimers' is progressing.  His stability isn't very much so.  It's time to bring him home.  To our home - in Peachtree City.  Saying goodbye to Savannah wasn't difficult for him, as he really had no clue he was leaving or where he was going.  However, for all his friends, lady friends, acquaintances, neighbors, his regular restaurant attendants, etc. it was a sad time.  There were hugs, tears, awkward moments and lumps in throats of those 'staying strong'.  Saying goodbye is never easy.  Even for me, saying goodbye to Savannah as I drove home was different this trip.  Bittersweet.  I now have my grandfather here and that makes me happy, but that marvelous, memory filled city will never quite be the same for me.

My grandfather, Jack Logan, at his house on cobblestone Jones Street, Savannah.

Last fall was a difficult one for a lot of reasons.  I'm glad a new one is here.  A year has passed and I'm in a better, healthier, happier place now.  However, I'm ready for October to be over.  Let's go ahead and move on to November, shall we?  November 1st will be a new beginning.  A beginning of the holidays.  A beginning of a happily settled in Grandfather in his new home.  A beginning of a month that's not filled with memories of death, confusion, regret, and sad feelings.  November brings birthdays - my dad's and my Nicholas will be a decade old!  November brings Thanksgiving - and oh, how much I have to be thankful for.  November brings cooler temperatures!  November brings new beginnings.




The next time my Granddad goes to Savannah, his body will be resting beside his wife's ~ my beautiful Grandmother, Stella Louise.  And, although it will be a time of sadness and grieving, it will also be a time of rejoicing in the fact that, although his body lay in the ground, his soul has gone to Heaven where my Grandmother's waits for him.  I sort of hope it's not in October, though . . . This month has already stolen its share of unpleasant memories.


For now, though, life goes on.  And I'm so very thankful for life.  Mine, my childrens', my family, my dear friends'.  I'm surrounded with such amazing people, as cliche' as it sounds, it's true.  As I grow older, I'm realizing more and more how fragile life really is.  I don't take mine or my loved ones' for granted.  At all.

And now I'm going to fix up a little plate of dessert for my Grandfather, head over to his new place of dwelling and enjoy time doing nothing with him.  While I count down the days to November . . .